How to LOSE an Election in 10 Easy Steps

As we have an election in a short 8 ½ months, primaries in just 3 months and, since we haven’t done this sort of thing for the last 15 months or so…I thought now might be a good time for a refresher course in how to LOSE an election.

Somehow, we, as Conservatives, screwed it up back in 2010 and actually won the darn thing.

If memory serves…It was called a shellacking and, we certainly wouldn’t want to have THAT again.

Would we?

So…Let’s get started…

How to LOSE an election.

1) RESEARCH

Don’t do your own.

It takes time…It’s hard and it simply isn’t necessary in this day and age. There are PLENTY of folks scattered about on social media that you don’t know a single thing about who will be more than happy to do your research for you.

By all means…TRUST them.

There are a lot of axes out there and more than enough people willing to grind them and, it really doesn’t matter whether or not THEY share YOUR values and ideology…THEY did the research and, according to them…PIGS can FLY.

Just go with it.

Next…

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Friday Fume

 WHOO HOO…We’ve reached the end of another week and, although I took a few days off to move from one abode to another…3 FREAKIN’ BLOCKS AWAY…Liberals and socialists have been WORKING OVER-TIME!!!

Rand Paul has filed a class action suit over the NSA scandal while Obama STILL insists that Americans’ privacy is protected under NSA programs.

Yeah…Right…Sort of in the same way the IRS is PROTECTING OUR BANK ACCOUNTS!!!

Despite spending more than $300 MILLION DOLLARS OF TAXPAYER MONEY on their OBAMACARE WEBSITE…The state of Oregon HAS YET TO SIGN UP ONE SINGLE PERSON ON THE STUPID THING!!!!!

Now, the FBI is getting involved and a federal investigation is opening into the the great northwest debacle.

I’ll save em a whole bunch of time and money…

NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING…NOBODY’S RESPONSIBLE AND…EVERYTHING IS WORKING FINE!!!

Move along…Nothing to see in Oregon.

And…The man who has yet to find the REAL killer…O.J. Simpson…says, “I used to live my way, and now I’m going to die my way. I want to just sit down in a corner and die.”

And to accomplish the task…

He says he’s going on a hunger strike.

Have you SEEN pictures of that idiot lately???

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Friday Fume

Yet another week of obtuse liberal/socialist insanity is in the books and history will not treat it kindly.

I, on the other hand, will treat it with every last ounce of due respect it deserves.

The morons.

We’ll dispense with the quick hits this week and just…DIVE RIGHT IN to the SHALLOW END OF THE GENE POOL…THE LIBERAL END!!!

Today is Friday and…

I’m fuming.

Well…Did ya hear about Wendy Davis…Texas’ own Abortion Barbie?

It seems a while back she was telling her life story during a Texas fillybuster.

FILLYBUSTER…

Its TEXAS…What do want for nothing?

Anyway…

As it turns out…If she wrote down THAT version of the Wendy Davis story…YOU WOULD FIND IT IN THE FICTION SECTION!!!

Having been caught fabricating her past…The overjoyed-at-the-notion-of-on-demand-abortion Davis, tried to calm the waters that are pulling her political career down the toilet by EXPLAINING that she might have…STRETCHED the truth a little.

That’s like saying CHRIS CHRISTIE STRETCHED THE WAISTBAND OF…

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Friday Fume

Liberals and socialists have gotten off to a ROARING start in this new year.

It never ceases to amaze me how they behave as though nobody is watching. Well, guess what?

WE’RE WATCHING!!!!!

Saw a headline stating that a boatload of WHALE WATCHERS were “STUNNED” by what they saw the other day. I sat through the 30 second commercial to watch the video only to discover they were…”STUNNED…” to see a BUNCH OF WHALES!!!!

HELLO, McFLY?????

NASA is sent 800…ANTS…Up to the International Space Station yesterday.

We don’t have any money to build a rocket to LAUNCH OUR OWN ASTRONAUTS up there but…WE HAVE MONEY TO STUDY HOW ANTS CAN RUIN A ZERO GRAVITY PICNIC???

Have ya SEEN Jay Carney this week? That little SQUIRREL is GROWING A BEARD!!!

Apparently…He’s sick and tired of being called…a BALD faced LIAR!!!

And…

Astronomers have announced the discovery of a HUGE planet… A GAS GIANT that THEY say SHOULDN’T even exist.

They say it’s 11 times more massive than JUPITER!!!

Yesterday…It apologized for closing the George Washington Bridge.

Wait…WHAT???

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Friday Fume

Well, here we are.

The FIRST Friday Fume of the NEW YEAR!!!

Alright…Settle down…Good grief.

Today, we begin a whole new year of the same old liberal/socialist crap by advancing the theory that if you don’t laugh a little…You’ll cry A LOT!!!

Anyway…

Brian Taylor…A 45 year old IDIOT is in trouble in Yorkshire England.

He was arrested for violating a court order that he stay far away from GAS STATIONS.

It seems he rather enjoys STEALING petrol…AND GETTING HIGH BY SNIFFING AND…DRINKING THE GAS!!!

Back in 2005…THE GAS GUZZLER was KICKED OUT OF A SUPPORT GROUP FOR…”SHOWING UP SMELLING OF GASOLINE AND…BEING DEEMED A…FIRE HAZARD!!!”

Perhaps it might be prudent to get a court order preventing him from wearing CORDUROY PANTS???

A NEW POLL SHOWS THAT 70% OF Americans have NO CONFIDENCE in government which, stands to reason.

The OTHER 30% ARE EMPLOYED BY THE GOVERNMENT!!!

And…So far…

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Summer in Antarctica – An EPIC Global Warming FAIL

You can tell and TELL liberals that shooting themselves in the foot isn’t a good idea but do they LISTEN???

Nope.

Over and over again they seem hell bent on PROVING that a liberal can be led to knowledge but you can’t make them learn.

Case in point…

For a week now, a gaggle of 74 liberal idiots have been stranded…On a ship…

STUCK in the ANTARCTIC ICE…

Waiting for rescue.

Why are they there???

TO RESEARCH…GLOBAL WARMING of course!!!!!

They just had to SEE for themselves the effects of the MELTING POLAR ICE CAP.

Oh…

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Friday Fume

My head is SPINNING from yet ANOTHER full week of LIBERAL NONSENSE!!!

You would think I’m making this stuff up but…NOOOOOOOO…

Let’s see…

Some woman in DC managed to get herself LOCKED IN THE BATHROOM at her workplace AFTER HOURS and it took her 2 hours to BREAK THROUGH THE WALL TO UNLOCK THE DOOR!!!

She says she was in TEARS and was SO TRAUMATIZED by it that SHE HAD TO TAKE 2 DAYS OFF!!!

Which raises the question…

WHAT IN THE NAME OF GLADE AIR FRESHENERS DID THAT WOMAN EAT BEFORE SHE WENT IN THERE????

On January 1st, some dispensaries in the SOCIALIST REPUBLIK of COLORADO will start selling RECREATIONAL POT but…They’re afraid that a GANJA SHORTAGE WILL KILL THEIR BUSINESS ABOUT A WEEK LATER!!!

That should come as a relief to all Colorado 7-11’s as they’ll need the down time to RESTOCK THE DORITOS AND LITTLE MINI DOUGHNUT RACKS!!!

And…

Joe Biden says he and Obama are NOT exchanging gifts this year.

Probably a good thing really…I mean…

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Friday Fume

Gee WHIZ what a week.

We have an 11 year old girl being told by socialists that she CAN’T…SELL…MISTLETOE to help pay for her braces but…IT’S PERFECTLY OKAY TO…SIT THERE AND BEG FOR THE MONEY…

The Department of Energy just blew ANOTHER…$139 MILLION BUCKS on a “LOAN” to FISKER ELECTRIC CARS!!!

Wonder if the problem THERE was…THE FISKER PLANT WAS POWERED BY…SOLYNDRA SOLAR PANELS???

And…

Some people are getting’ all bent outta shape because NORAD has SANTA escorted by FIGHTER JETS!!!

Listen…He has to fly all around the world…Over IRAN…AFGHANISTAN…NORTH KOREA…ALL THE DIFFERENT BUTT-KRACKISTANS…and plenty of other places where CHRISTMAS…IS ABOUT AS WELCOME AS IT IS IN THE WHITE HOUSE…

I WANT THAT FAT, JOLLY ELF…PROTECTED!!!!!

My Patriot Friends…Today IS Friday and…

I’m fuming.

Let’s start with this…

Yesterday, we heard of a 33 year old teacher from Texas who was GUNNED DOWN and KILLED in…

BENGHAZI!!!

This comes on the heels of the 80 something year old VETERAN who was jailed in NORTH KOREA a couple of weeks ago.

Remember those 2 “hikers” who were held in IRAN a couple of years ago???

SERIOUSLY…WTH???

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Friday Fume

Oh boy…Where do I even begin with this week’s list of liberal lunacy???

Nancy Pelosi actually said of Obamacare…“All of the implementation has gone very well.”

I’M SURE SHE ALSO BELIEVES THE PRODUCTION OF “OUR AMERICAN COUSIN” AT FORD’S THEATER ON APRIL 14TH, 1865 WENT…SWIMMINGLY!!!

Then…the crusty old moonbat TWEETED…”FACT: Despite website glitches ­­≈ 1m have applied and are eligible to #getcovered on #ACA marketplaces. 500,000 have already secured coverage”

Ummm She issued that AFTER Sebelius ADMITTED that ONLY 106,000 had…”SELECTED” coverage but, SHE ALSO REFUSED to say how many had ACTUALLY PAID for it.

Obviously, Pelosi is using the same tabulation system liberals used to count the votes in 2012.

AND…

Over in Moscow…Pyotr Pavlensky decided to protest the Kremlin’s crackdown on human rights by…STRIPING NAKED…SITTING ON THE RED SQUARE BRICKS AND…NAILING HIS NARDS TO THE STREET!!!

Ummmm…

First…Just let me say…

YEEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay…Now then…

It’s not at all unlike the way OBAMA protested CAPITALISM by STAPLING his to a 2700 PAGE SOCIALIST HEALTHCARE MANIFESTO!!!

At least the BOLSHOI stands to get a new SOPRANO out of the deal.

Anyway…It’s been quite the week but, here we are…On Friday and…

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