Be sure to Click LIKE at the bottom of this article, and share it everywhere!! By Craig Andresen – The National Patriot and Right Side Patriots – Commentary

Snark is defined as, “an attitude or expression of mocking irreverence and sarcasm,” but I believe there is more to it than just that.

Snark, as so defined, is my default setting. I tend to see the world through snark goggles and my view of the world has been this way since I was a kid, and although the definition covers most of my attitude towards so many things I see, it doesn’t quite go far enough.

I have, over decades of practice, honed my snark into what I consider to be the literary, and literal equivalent of Newton’s Third Law. “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” While sarcasm and irreverence certainly cover the basics, I also believe that every absurdity must be met with equal and opposite absurdity.

Ahhh…Isaac Newton, or as his friends no doubt referred to him…Ike…was a bonafide idiot in spite of what you may believe because…he was a racist. Not only was Ike white, and we all now know that all white people are racists, but Ike Newton was also a shareholder in the South Sea Company which was in the primary business of shipping slaves across the Atlantic. Never mind that Ike lost his shirt in the venture, he was a shareholder and therefore…well…you now.

I mean, because of his association, loose as it was, in the shipping of slaves, his theory of gravity must therefore also be racist…right? I know, to people with at least one working brain cell that seems absurd, but I’m betting there are some black people out there don’t find it absurd in the least which provides a reasonable count regarding the number of working brain cells they have amassed between them.

Gravity must be immediately…cancelled.

Ida B. Wells-Barnett High School in Portland, Oregon, and we all know what a bastion of working brain cells Portland has been recently, has ditched the idea of having an evergreen tree as a mascot because…well you know…racism. You see, according to the Portland Public Schools Board of Education’s Director Michelle DePass, “a tree could conjure up reminders of hanging people with ropes from branches.”

What fools we with a working brain cell should feel like, having looked at trees all our lives and not once equated them with racism, but to those sans a working brain cell…trees are racist. Not just because democrats used to hang perfectly good black people from their branches, but because the ships that brought slaves to our shores were made from trees.

Ships today are made of far different materials, but they are still build from the same basic design, and therefore, because ships from hundreds of years ago are racist, so too are ships of today…if one is butt-stupid enough to follow liberal logic…but I suggest the situation is a bit more complex than you might think.

You see, even though ships that transport people across oceans today aren’t made of wood, the beds on today’s ships are covered in sheets, and pillowcases…the costumes democrats used to wear when they strung perfectly good black people up in trees…so…sheets and pillowcases are systemically racist just as are anyone who has such linens in their home.

Come to think of it, I’m willing to bet that some of the very same bleating black people who have the combined cognitive capabilities of a common cabbage have things in their homes made of wood, and they sleep on sheets and pillowcases.

They’re worse than average racists…they’re hypocritical racists.

Now if you want a new mascot for your school, and you want to avoid racist trees, might I suggest a shrubbery? Nobody I have ever heard of has been hung by the neck from a shrubbery so shrubbery cannot possibly be racist…or can it?

Aside from the fact that both trees and shrubbery are woody, there is something else they share that makes them racist…birds.

Have you ever heard of the Jameson’s Fire Finch? How about the Bachman’s Sparrow, Wallace’s Fruit Dove? Outside of avid birders, most folks have never heard of such birds, and wouldn’t recognize one if it hopped up and pecked them on the ass…but they, and some 150 other bird species are damned racist.  You see, the Jamesons, Wallaces and Bachmans they and so many other were named for, were sheet and pillowcase wearing wood loving racist bastards who all appreciated gravity, thanks to Ike Newton.

We can’t go about our day to day lives not knowing a clearly racist Bachman’s Sparrow from a totally non-racist Grasshopper Sparrow and be happy. We must know that some birds, by virtue of their names, are simply, and completely racist because some democrat back in the day had said birds named after them. Those names must be changed before people who either know nothing about racist birds, or people that do are further traumatized by systemically racist avian creatures.

I understand that it would be impossible to educate those without a working brain cell to quickly identify any form of our feathered friends, save those found in a bucked with an extra crispy coating, I have an idea. Let’s just rename all birds to avert the problem.

We can name all birds after dead black former criminals who have had sainthood bestowed upon them, or black criminal faux Reverends who chase ambulances and microphones,  thus making those with flapping pie holes and not a single working brain cell between them  be less offended every time they see a bird. Let’s start with the common Rock Pigeon. They’re darker in color and often found in urban areas. Henceforth, the Rock Pigeon shall be referred to as the Trayvon Martin Pigeon.

If Obama had a son, it would be pooping on an Obama statue.

All scavenger birds, like buzzards and vultures, should be called the Al Sharpton Buzzards, or maybe the Jessie Jackson Vultures.

The Ring-necked Pheasant, in order to avoid any connotation of racism, shall now and forever more be known as the…George Floyd Pheasant.

What? Too soon?

Please send your hate letters to idon’tgiveaflyingracebatingshit@gmail.com.

I’m pretty sure we’ll have to come up with a new name for the red-winged blackbird because, as it is, it has got to be pissing off certain Native American and  BLM community organizers who couldn’t scrounge up a working brain cell with an ancient Egyptian mummification cranial swizzle stick.

Before I continue, may I suggest we all take a moment to listen to what I believe should be the black national anthem?

Hey, that’s not a white guy whistling Dixie, it’s nothing Hunter Biden didn’t write in his emails, and liberals ain’t calling either one of THEM a racist.

And finally, it’s summer and unless you’re black or Native American, having a barbecue is now racist you privileged white cretins.

Okay, the Europeans helped a little but barbecue is a cultural thing that came from slaves and Native Americans who were yearning to be free so if you’re not sleeping in a teepee or wearing your pants at half mast, you should NOT be tossing another shrimp on the barbie you culturally appropriating, white supremacist, cop loving, flag waving, Aunt Jemima syrup pouring, Uncle Ben’s rice eating systemically racist pieces of crap.

Get your pasty asses back inside and have your kitchen staff make your dinner in the kitchen the way God intended WHITE people to cook.

Maybe you could go on a cruise, in a ship, and sleep on crisp white sheets while you travel to see the birds and trees of some far away place, but be careful not to fall into the ocean, because back in the days of Ike Newton’s slave ships, SHARKS used to follow the slavers waiting for bodies to be tossed overboard.

Bet you didn’t know that sharks were racists…especially the GREAT WHITE sharks…but now you do.

Sure, it’s absurd but thanks to my default setting, it has all now been met with equal and opposite absurdity.

You feel me bro?

Copyright © 2021 Craig Andresen / thenationalpatriot.com all rights reserved

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For more political commentary please visit my RIGHT SIDE PATRIOTS partner Diane Sori’s blog The Patriot Factor to read her latest op-ed,  On Anti-Semitism In America

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