Be sure to Click LIKE at the bottom of this article, and share it everywhere!! By Craig Andresen – The National Patriot and Right Side Patriots – Commentary

If you happen to be of the Christian faith, there can be no doubt that you know the story of the first Christmas by heart. It’s a story that’s been around for two millennium, being told, retold, embellished, condensed, written down, edited and made into an epic tale.

History tells us that not everything in that story is true, or accurate, and indeed the Bible itself offers not only clues but as near to tangible evidence for how it’s been condensed and altered over the past couple of thousand years to fit a narrative palatable and easy to follow by people in centuries past.

I won’t get into those clues, or into the condensing and altering of the story here, but I did write a piece on that topic in 2017, entitled Politics and The First Christmas which you can read here.

The reason we have the story we have now, is because for over 1,500 plus years, the only way to tell the story was by word of mouth, which provided ample opportunity to fine-tune it with certain embellishments. By the time it was written down for the masses to read, it was edited for political purposes by kings.

Not even Mathew and Luke were there when it all took place, and their accounts, heard from someone who told someone who told someone else were written decades after the event.

Obviously, Judea and that region had problems. Political problems, religious problems and societal problems. Granted, it would have been difficult to separate any from the others as all of their problems were woven together in some sort of problematic tapestry, but that was the backdrop for the story, and for the centuries of retelling that story.

Given all of that, I had to wonder…how would such a story be told today…if it happened today without having any knowledge of anything like it happening before? How would such a story be presented in a 24/7 current day news cycle?

I suspect it would come across something like this…

Tonight, we end our newscast with a human interest story that comes to us from the Middle East. In the disputed West Bank town of Bethlehem, Israel, a couple, an older man and his pregnant teenaged wife traveling from Nazareth were turned away from a local hospital due to the beds being full of COVID-19 patients. As the young woman was about to give birth, they apparently asked where they could spend the night and they were directed to the edge of town.

That’s where she went into labor, and was forced to give birth to their son…in a manger of all places.

The man, who goes by the name of Joseph, and the woman who gave her name as Mary were unable, due to the situation, to maintain six feet of separation and may now face charges, and against guidelines preventing gatherings due to the pandemic, visitors began to arrive.

A lone shepherd, who had received a cell phone alert that said he was  to go and see the baby which had been born in the manger, and to tell everyone he saw not to risk infection and keep their distance.

The shepherd’s arrival was soon followed by three diplomatic emissaries who had been sent by countries which had recently signed on to Israel/Arab peace accord spearheaded by President Trump. They stopped along the way to ask directions from Palestinian leader, King Herod, telling him that they had been following their OnStar navigation system, but due to a solar flare the system crashed and they lost the road. Reports are that Herod was, as most Palestinians are, quite agitated to learn of a supposed new King being born in the West Bank, and even more upset that the child was a Jew.

Herod has vowed to take terroristic action against all children up to two years old, and the U.N., while not chastising Herod for his threats of violence, did issue a statement that as a world body, they will not recognize a Jewish King any more than they recognize Jerusalem as the Capitol of Israel.

The three emissaries, being wise men knew that showing up unannounced would be somewhat awkward, and so they briefly stopped at a local market so as not to arrive in Bethlehem empty-handed.

Needless to say, both Joseph and Mary were quite surprised to have high-ranking foreign diplomats visit them at the manger, and were grateful for the gifts that were presented to the baby…face masks, hand sanitizer and anti-bacterial baby butt-wipes. It has been reported that the hand sanitizer bore a rather strange, and pungent fragrance.

Nonetheless, the emissaries warned the couple of Herod’s terroristic threats and suggested that they take the baby and go someplace where they would be more protected. They apparently suggested Egypt.

Meanwhile, the entire event has Ancestry.com in something of a snit as the baby’s DNA showed only mitochondrial markers, and absolutely nothing from a father. A spokeswoman from the site said it was unlike anything they have ever encountered and they are at a loss to explain it.

When asked who the father was, Mary said…”God.” A Jewish expert, by the name of Maury Povich examined the DNA sample and told TMZ that, “Joseph…is NOT the father.”

Oddly, Joseph seemed to be okay with that.

Could the little baby actually be the son of some extraterrestrial  “God?”

Ancient astronaut theorists say…yes.

When asked for comment regarding all the commotion surrounding a simple birth in a manger, one Cantor, Avraham Covitz, known to his friends as Covitz-19 said, “Honestly, it’s not that big of a deal. All Jewish mothers think their sons are a gift from God, and that someday they’ll walk on water.” He went on to say that as so many Jewish sons do, this one would probably go into his father’s business, which happens to be hand-made Amish styled furniture.

Rabbi Schmule Nazarian said, “God willing…he should become a rabbi.”  Nazarian went on to say, “It’s okay that he should maybe become a doctor…help people, maybe cure a few people. It would be nice he should maybe find a cure for blindness, or maybe even diseases that put people in wheelchairs but things like that would take a miracle…he’s just an average Jewish boy…we shouldn’t expect so much from a baby born in a manger.”

So, there you go. In the most auspicious of times, a most inauspicious birth, in a manger, in the disputed West Bank Town of Bethlehem. A baby boy born to a teenage mother and who really knows who the father is?  The little guy is already on the radar of Palestinian leadership, a magnate for the press and already honored by foreign diplomats but hey, it’s 2020…stranger things have happened.

Let’s hope it all works out well for the little guy. Will he live up to the high expectations some seem to have for him, or will he wind up like so many people these days…hanging out with his friends, wandering from town to town until he gets into some sort of trouble and ends up getting nailed by the local authorities?

Who’s to say, but this much we do know…it’s his life…nothing is pre-destined. Our guess is that by the time he’s in his early 30’s, he will have just sort of blended into society and nobody will remember his name.

His name, by the way, is Jesus.

Jesus?

It’s not like that name is gonna catch on in Mexico.

That’s it for the news tonight. Next up, we head live to Rome for our annual Saturnalia celebration coverage.

Sure this is all tongue-in-cheek, maybe even a bit snarky but who’s to say it couldn’t be more accurate than you might think? Tell it by word of mouth for the next 1,500 years before anybody takes on the job of editing it and writing it down and let’s see what THIS version of the story turns into.

Now, some 2,000 plus years after the event, the Jews celebrate Hanukkah while Christians celebrate Christmas and both religions are perfectly happy with that because it doesn’t really matter what actually happened that ancient night…it’s about what we BELIEVE happened that night that counts.

Merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah and a saucy Saturnalia to you all, and may 2021 be a damned sight better than 2020.

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For more political commentary please visit my RIGHT SIDE PATRIOTS partner Diane Sori’s blog The Patriot Factor to read her latest article “Christmas and Hanukkah COVID Style”

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Tomorrow, Friday, December 18th, from 7 to 9pm EST,  RIGHT SIDE PATRIOTS Craig Andresen and Diane Sori discuss ‘Christmas and Hanukkah COVID Style’; ‘The First Christmas…Rebooted’; and important news of the day.

Hope you can tune in to RIGHT SIDE PATRIOTS on https://rspradio1.com. Click ‘LISTEN LIVE’ starting at 6:50 pm EST with the show beginning at 7pm EST.