By Craig Andresen – The National Patriot and Right Side Patriots

The whole world, it seems, is going to hell in a handbag.

Look around…Syria, Russia, Ukraine…Iran is getting nukes for the love of God. Iraq is a disaster, Afghanistan is too and nearly every Butt-Crackistan in the region is either fighting some absurd 7th century civil war or all their jihadis are invading Europe.

China is building islands…THEY’RE BUILDING ISLANDS…in the South China Sea and threatening us and Japan over them and that little sawed-off twerp over in North Diarrhea keeps promising to attack South Korea and US with HIS nukes.

The Palestinians, who are really Jordanians, are attacking Israelis because Israelis keep building homes…IN ISRAEL.

And now…Paris and Mali with ISIS making global threats…

Here at home…the economy still stinks…job participation is at an all-time low…welfare participation is at an all-time HIGH…Obamacare is predictably failing at warp speed, violent crime is UP…WAY UP in our most LIBERAL cities and taxes are going up higher than pants at a “Black Lives Matter” protest are getting lower.

If there’s really a correlation there…perhaps we should lower taxes to get those idiots on the street to pull up their damn pants and while I’m on that topic…note to all common street thugs…wearing the waste of your pants below your ass is not a fashion statement…it’s an I.Q statement that screams you’re so damn stupid you don’t know how to get dressed when you get out of bed at the crack of noon.

The whole world is going to hell and what did the Evangelical holier-than-thou Christians have their saintly skivvies all wadded up over last week?

Cups.

Starbucks coffee cups to be precise.

Starbucks rolled out their seasonal coffee cups last week and they are red. That’s it…just red…and that’s got the holier-than-thous all puckered up. They’re having holy hemorrhoids over those red cups because…there are no depictions of Christmas trees, candy canes, sleigh bells, or Santas on those GOD forsaken RED Starbucks cups.

Ummmm……Really? Have we heard a peep out of them regarding Paris? Nope.

Excuse me your holinesslessnesses but…there was no Santa in the Biblical story of the birth of Christ…the 3 wise guys rode in on camels…not in a one horse open sleigh, candy canes weren’t invented until 1670, in Cologne, Germany and were only meant to get the little rug-rats at the local church to shut the hell up during the Christmas Eve service and Christmas trees??? Well…Christmas trees ALSO got their start in Germany…after being worshiped by Pagans and Druids… in the 16th century when devout, holier-than-thous brought decorated trees into their homes.

Some built Christmas pyramids of wood and decorated them with evergreens and candles but it is a widely held belief that it was Martin Luther, the 16th-century Protestant reformer, who first placed lighted candles on a tree. As the story goes…Marty (his friends called him Marty) was strolling toward his home one winter evening while working up a sermon, when he noticed stars shining amidst the evergreen trees and to recreate the scene for his family, he erected a tree in the main room and wired its branches with lighted candles.

This of course led to arson charges and the annual reduction of the Luther home to a smoldering pile of ashes but the point is…there was NO CHRISTMAS TREE in the biblical story of the 1st Christmas either.

Absolutely NONE of those things have ONE thing to do with what these holier-than-thou types cling to but let’s be honest here…the only reason we celebrate Christmas on December 25th is because it was seen as a way to overshadow the Pagan winter solstice celebration and…the holier-than-thous don’t really want TRUE representations OF that 1st Christmas on their coffee cups anyway.

Think about it…

If TRUE depictions OF the 1st Christmas were on the venti vessel holding their mocha lattes…what would they be? Mary, a pregnant Jewish teenager who had been shacking up with Joe…a dude twice her age who, because he was a carpenter was, I suppose, good with his hands…rode Joseph’s ass all the way from Nazareth to give birth to a baby in a barn surrounded by goats and donkeys whose descendants would become the girlfriends of ISIS. There were reportedly, 3 magi who, by historical accounts, ascribed to the teachings of the prophet Zoroaster, whose Supreme Being was Ahura Mazda…whose descendants eventually invented the Miata and who brought THE most INNAPPROPRIATE gifts EVER to a baby…gold, frankincense, and myrrh which were, according to ancient inscriptions, the exact same 3 gifts that King Seleucus II Callinicus offered to the god Apollo at the temple in Miletus in 243 B.C..

That would make the wise guys re-gifters…I believe.

Outside of those things, Bethlehem was full of tax collectors and seriously…who wants to see tax collectors on the cup holding coffee they just paid $6.50 for? IT’S FREAKIN COFFEE…IT DOES GROW ON TREES…AND IT SHOULD NEVER COST $6.50 PER CUP!!!

But a plain red paper cup, sans depictions based in reality or commercialism regarding Christmas, filled with ungodly high priced caffeine is, according to the Evangelical holier0than-thou set, a blatant declaration of WAR…on Christmas.

May I please point out that if your deeply-held religious beliefs, whatever they are, can be threatened into extinction…BY A PAPER CUP…your chosen religion is shakier than Michael J. Fox after 3 double espressos.

Now then…IF your entire religious structure is so near collapse that it has been assaulted beyond repair by a plain red paper cup…may I suggest that you go over to Dunkin Donuts where, not only will your coffee be served to you during this most glorious season in a cup bearing the likeness of a Christmas wreath encircling the word, “Joy,” even if that’s not your name…you won’t even have to order it in Italian, Portuguese, Spanish or French.

A simple “large, medium or small” will suffice at Dunkin Donuts and on the off chance you DO want the LARGE…you won’t have to take out a second mortgage to get it. Forget Dunkin DONUTS…think of it as Dunkin HOL(e)Y Pastries…if it helps.

One spokesperson for Dunkin said that, “We believe this conveys the happiness and spirit of the holiday season in a way that resonates with our guests.”

Ummmmm…first of all…nobody who is buying a cup of coffee in your establishment is your “guest.” They are not allowed to spend the night there and second…nothing “conveys the happiness and spirit of the holiday season” quite like THROWING AWAY A PAPER CUP WHEN IT’S EMPTY I suppose.

The point is this…the “war on Christmas” is just about as mythical as global warming and is, at most, a cold war. Yes, it’s annoying when some bunch of atheists make a stink over a manger scene in a park or attempt to silence Christmas carols in a mall but nobody is making Christmas a crime in this country…at least not yet and as long as we hold Christmas in our hearts, and not in a paper cup…we’re winning the cold war.

Besides…Starbucks, serving over priced cappuccinos in a red cup, even without some depiction of commercialized Christmas on it should be seen, by the holier-than-thous, as a victory of sorts. At least they aren’t putting it in a cup with a red crescent on one side and a verse from the Qur’an on the other.

I mean…this IS Starbucks we’re talking about here and I’m sure, sooner or later, they’ll have ISISed lattes on the menu….