Apparently, we Conservatives have had it all wrong.

We’ve out there in deep right field blowing dandelion seeds into the breeze and just making up crap to be upset over.

Silly us.

Why…just yesterday, we got all bent out of shape over the IRS and a new revelation discovered by Issa’a house committee showing that…just before the 2010 midterm elections…the IRS sent over a few…just a few…pages of American’s personal information to the FBI.

You know…personal information that is supposedly protected by federal laws that state the IRS and ONLY the IRS is to have access to.

Okay…it was just over 1 MILLION pages but, who’s counting. Anyway…by comparison…the Obamacare bill that nobody read and yet is still causing so much trouble was only 2700 pages but again…who’s counting.

According to Issa; “The IRS apparently considered political speech by nonprofit groups to be so troublesome that it illegally assisted federal law-enforcement officials in assembling a massive database of the lawful political speech of thousands of American citizens, weeks before the 2010 midterm elections, using confidential taxpayer information.”

Imagine…citizens groups that don’t make a profit engaging in free speech. Shameful. The exact sort of thing the FBI should be looking into and the sort of people on whom the FBI should be making files.

Now, I KNOW what Conservatives are thinking…SCANDAL…SHREDDING THE CONSTITUTION…STOMPING ON FREEDOM OF SPEECH…USING THE IRS AS A POLITICAL WEAPON…FBI AND GOVERNMENT INTRUSION…

Hush up. Don’t you remember when Obama told us that there hasn’t been “even a smidgeon of corruption” over at the IRS???

Apparently, we’ve been making much ado of nothing. Please move along…nothing to see here.

Speaking of Obamacare, we have apparently been wrong about that too.

Conservatives have been railing against Obamacare because we felt we’ve been lied to. You know…keeping our doctors and our insurance and all? Stuff like Obamacare being cheaper than what we had and liked…how our prescriptions were going to cost less and our Obamacare wouldn’t cost any more than our cell phone bills…little things like that.

I mean, none of the things we were promised were true but, Obamacare, with its 15 member appointed bureaucrats making all our healthcare decision rather than our doctors and, in some cases, paying up to 700% more for the prescriptions we need and doubling or tripling the cost of our premiums…well, simply put…because MEN now get their OBGYN visits covered…Obamacare IS better than what we had before and forget about all the website issues with Obamacare…the fact that there is no way at all to PAY for your new and improved health insurance and no way to protect your personal information on the system ain’t no big deal.

Hell, the IRS…Obamacare’s enforcement goons are going to spread your personal information around anyway and gee whiz…MSNBC’S Eddie Schultzy was on TV telling all 7 of his viewers that the Obamacare web system is now a SCREAMING success because…Kentucky’s exchange is working.

So relax Conservatives…and take heart that your hypertension, whether real or brought about by the stress of making up crap to get pissed off over IS a preexisting condition and once you’ve mortgaged your house, sold all of your belongings and rented out your children to couples restricted to only having two of their own in China so you can pay your greatly improved and massively affordable deductibles…YOU’RE COVERED!!!

Now then Conservatives…just because you only THINK you’re scraping the bottom of your checking account because of your Obamacare…don’t go bitching about it because things could always be worse.

Take the financial devastation suffered by Bill and Hillary after they left the white house…

Why…according to the concussed frequent flyer…They were flat BROKE when they moved out of 1600 Pennsylvania. Avenue. FLAT BROKE.

That’s what she claims in her new book. They were BROKE when they left the white house. One suspects that should YOU have two nickels to rub together…YOU’RE in MUCH better shape right now than THEY were back THEN.

The poor, and I do mean POOR Clintons.

Do you realize that for those eight years, they had to live in public housing? Hell…WE all had to chip in just to buy them FOOD for crying out loud but that’s not the worst of it.

The Clintons were so destitute that Bill was subletting the space under his desk to an INTERN and he couldn’t even afford to pay to have his humidor’s dress dry cleaned.

Those Clintons were SO down and out when they became homeless that they could only manage to purchase two multi-million dollar estates. Just LOOK at the squalor in which they were forced to live.

MY GOD…and you think YOU’VE got it bad???

I know they stole a couple of truckloads of furniture from the white house when they left but seriously…even after making $360,000 a year for eight years…they couldn’t afford to BUY furniture and besides, there probably wasn’t a chair or table they took that Bill wasn’t on…naked…and I don’t even WANT to know what they did with the candlesticks. Do you?

We Conservatives MUST get over ourselves.

Now, when it comes to things like the VA…we Conservatives just need to settle down a bit. We’ve been BOILING over the way our veterans are being treated or, not treated as the case might be but…we’re clearly out of line.

You see…It’s Bush’s fault.

We wouldn’t HAVE so many veterans if that dastardly Bush hadn’t started an ILLEGAL war. We KNOW it was an ILLEGAL war because he actually went to congress, sought their consent, GOT it and THEN went to war. That’s what makes it an ILLEGAL war. Can’t we SEE that?

And it doesn’t matter that even LIBERALS voted to give Bush the green light on the matter because…he LIED to them by providing those liberals will all the intel reports. Not only the intel reports from OUR intel folks but the intel reports from several OTHER countries that all pointed to the exact same conclusion.

Saddam was a really nice and decent guy that never hurt a soul and was in full compliance with all the U.N. requirements and just because the U.N. had access to all those intel reports and decided for themselves that it was time to kick that nice, gentle man’s ass too…IT WAS AN ILLEGAL WAR BROUGHT ABOUT BY BUSH’S LIES and we just need to accept that.

Anyway, this whole kerfuffle over the VA is Bush’s fault regardless of the notion that bonus pay for shorter waiting lists was an Obama idea. Regardless of the silly fact that before Obama spread his prayer rug in the oval office there were fewer than 100,000 on waiting lists and then, by 2013, that number had climbed, under the great leadership of Obama to more than 800,000…it’s all BUSH’S fault.

Now I know there are plenty of other things leaving skid marks in our Conservative tighty whiteies like…

Benghazi.

Just because it was treason to supply our enemies with weapons in a time of war and just because 4 Americans got killed over it…pish posh…calm down. There’s no need for anal leakage over treason.

Fast and Furious?

Look…it’s not like the Mexican drug cartels can just come up here and BUY their weapons and besides…it was only one or two border agents and a few hundred Mexican nationals who had to pay the ultimate price. Get over it already Conservatives.

Yeah, I know…the NSA spying thing.

Let’s be fair about this and realize the IRS can’t do EVERYTHING on their own. They need HELP and besides…why SHOULDN’T your government be privy to everything you say, do and spend? Chill out.

Arming the TALIBAN???

Are we really going to get all worked up over Hillary Clinton giving stinger and surface to air missiles to the Taliban in Afghanistan while we’re at war against the Taliban in Afghanistan? Really? After all, Obama made sure a bunch of OUR men and women in uniform over there had RUBBER bullets and what good would it be if we actually WON that damned war?

I mean, Israel would be a little bit safer if we kept terrorists and their organizations from growing and getting bolder. WE would be safer too but get your Conservative heads on straight…where’s the fun in us and our allies being safer?

And finally, there’s this whole business of the Taliban GITMO 5 being traded for a deserter and for some inexplicable reason, we Conservatives are just fit to be tied.

What was it ol’ Harry Reid said just a couple of days ago about those terrorists we set loose?

Oh yes…”I’m glad to get rid of these five people.”

Shouldn’t we just consider the possibility Harry is right about this and back up our new-found liberal perspective by demanding that all ilk of murderers be released from prisons across the United States? Prison, after all, is no place for terrorist masterminds or murderers. Those sorts of people should be allowed to go FREE so as to never again be a fatal cancer on all of humanity.

My friends…my fellow Conservatives…I hope you can now see the error of our ways and that we can all realize now, after reading this article, how much better the world would be if we could just all take a deep breath, calm ourselves and relax enough to…

BEND OVER…STICK OUR HEADS UP OUR ASSES AND START SEEING THINGS FROM THE LIBERAL PERSPECTIVE!!!

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