Well, here we are.

The FIRST Friday Fume of the NEW YEAR!!!

Alright…Settle down…Good grief.

Today, we begin a whole new year of the same old liberal/socialist crap by advancing the theory that if you don’t laugh a little…You’ll cry A LOT!!!

Anyway…

Brian Taylor…A 45 year old IDIOT is in trouble in Yorkshire England.

He was arrested for violating a court order that he stay far away from GAS STATIONS.

It seems he rather enjoys STEALING petrol…AND GETTING HIGH BY SNIFFING AND…DRINKING THE GAS!!!

Back in 2005…THE GAS GUZZLER was KICKED OUT OF A SUPPORT GROUP FOR…”SHOWING UP SMELLING OF GASOLINE AND…BEING DEEMED A…FIRE HAZARD!!!”

Perhaps it might be prudent to get a court order preventing him from wearing CORDUROY PANTS???

A NEW POLL SHOWS THAT 70% OF Americans have NO CONFIDENCE in government which, stands to reason.

The OTHER 30% ARE EMPLOYED BY THE GOVERNMENT!!!

And…So far…

3 out of this weekend’s 4 NFL playoff games aren’t sold out which is being seen as an embarrassment to the league. They might even have the Green Bay game BLACKED OUT in GREEN BAY!!!

Gee…I can’t for the LIFE of me figure out why people wouldn’t spend $300 BUCKS A TICKET…UP TO A HUNDRED BUCKS FOR PARKING…TAKE OUT A SECOND MORTGAGE TO BUY A FROZEN WEENIE AND PLUNK DOWN THE PRICE OF A FERRARI FOR A BEER ON A STICK IN 4 DEGREE WEATHER…Can you?

It’s been quite the week and there may have been a few things you missed so…

Let’s all TEA PARTY UP…Hold on to something solid and DIVE RIGHT IN!!!

It’s Friday friends and patriots and…

I’m fuming.

My, oh my…Liberals certainly do set the bar low…Don’t they?

There is a predicted 12 inches of snow heading for New York City and…Liberals are saying THAT will be the FIRST…REAL…TEST for Mayor KARL MARX DeBLASIO!!!

Yep…12…WHOLE…inches.

The now heavily ARMED National Weather Service has gone so far as to NAME this snow storm…HERCULES so…Don’t be surprised if Mayor DeBULLCRAP declares an EMERGENCY and applies for FEDERAL AID!!!

Meanwhile…weather weenies everywhere in New England are doing what they always do…STOCKING UP ON BREAD, EGGS AND MILK…because apparently…

During snow storms…

THERE ARE MASS CRAVINGS FOR…BREAD PUDDING!!!!

Personally…I would stock up on Bush’s baked beans.

IF MORE METHANE DOESN’T RAISE THE TEMPERATURE ENOUGH TO MELT THE SNOW…PEOPLE COULD ALWAYS LIGHT THE BY-PRODUCT TO STAY WARM!!!!!

Ain’t  global warming a bitch?

Speaking of Global warming…

Those KNOT-HEADS on that boat…STUCK IN 10 FOOT THICK ICE…Down in the Antarctic have finally been rescued…BY A COMMUNIST CHINESE HELICOPTER!!!

Just in the nick of time too…

THEY NEARLY HAD TO START RATIONING THE KOOL AID!!!!!

Fuming?

Things must be getting REALLY desperate for liberals and socialists out there because, in what one can only imagine to be an attempt to prove they have brains…

THEY’VE BEEN BUYING THEM ON EBAY!!!

We are just now learning of the arrest of one David Charles on December 16^th in Indianapolis.

Throughout 2013…This brain-dead ghoul has been breaking into a MUSEUM and STEALING…

HUMAN BRAIN TISSUE…AND SELLING THE ILL-GOTTEN GREY MATTER…ON EBAY!!!

Apparently…Investigators were tipped off by some guy in SAN DIEGO who says HE became SUSPICIOUS…

AFTER he BOUGHT…6 JARS OF THEM…FOR A MIND-NUMBING…$100 BUCKS PER JAR!!!!!

If he had any brains to begin with…HE WOULD HAVE BEEN SUSPICIOUS WHEN HE SAW THEM LISTED FOR SALE!!!

Know what I mean?

It turns out the bargain bin brains weren’t all that different than the original, standard issue liberal/socialist cranial compounds.

According to the director of the museum…

THE QUESTIONABLE BRAINS IN QUESTION…CAME FROM AUTOPSIES…CONDUCTED BETWEEN THE 1890’s AND THE 1940’s on…

MENTAL PATIENTS!!!!!

Yeah…It’s like that…

Which of course begs but a single question…

DONOR OR RECIPIENT?????

I’m fuming.

Well…THIS falls into the category of…WTH???

It seems that WALMART is in trouble, over in, of all places…CHINA!!!

According to the The Shandong Food and Drug Administration…Chinese Walmarts have been selling “5 SPICE” DONKEY MEAT…TAINTED WITH…

FOX MEAT!!!

Chinese rednecks apparently prefer their DONKEY BURGERS to be FOX FREE.

Who knew?

According to Greg Foran, Walmart’s China president and CEO… “We are deeply sorry for this whole affair. It is a deep lesson that we need to continue to increase investment in supplier management.”

Now…I LIKE Chinese food and, I always figure the less I know of what’s in it the better but…

HOW…EXACTLY…DID THEY DISCOVER THIS???

Does FOX MEAT add a little extra ZING to the CULINARY DELIGHT???

Seriously.

I’m no expert but…I would think if you’re already GNAWING ON A PIECE OF ASS…A WEE BIT OF FOX WOULDN’T BE ALL THAT NOTICEABLE!!!

Besides…After you combine it with JACKASS HELPER…WHO CARES???

China SUPPORTS THAT LITTLE, SAWED OFF TYRANT IN NORTH KOREA THAT GOT HAMMERED AND HAD HIS UNCLE EXECUTED AND…MIXING A LITTLE FOX INTO THE MULE STEW IS THEIR BIGGEST PROBLEM???

Here’s an idea…QUIT EATIN’ STUFF THAT WEARS A SADDLE AND INSTEAD OF WALMART HAVIN’ TO WORRY ‘BOUT THE MENU…THEY CAN GET BACK TO THE BUSINESS OF SELLING…PEKING DUCK DYNASTY CAMOUFLAGED MAO JACKETS!!!!

I’m Fuming!

And finally…

The way OBAMACARE is going…

THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN OFFERING POT WITH EVERY ENROLLMENT!!!

On the first day Obamacare was available…ONLY 6 PEOPLE SIGNED UP FOR SOCIALISM but…

On the first day you could buy…RECREATIONAL WEED IN COLORADO…THE ONLY PLACE IN THE WORLD WHERE YOU CAN…

650 PEOPLE STOOD IN LINE…ALL DAY…IN SUB FREEZING WEATHER…TO BUY IT AT THE EVERYDAY LOW, LOW PRICE OF…

$400 BUCKS AN OUNCE!!!!!

I guess we don’t have to ask what THEY’RE smoking.

Colorado, on January 1^st…Became the 1^st state to make POT LEGAL…JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT!!!

They expect to sell almost a HALF BILLION BUCKS WORTH OF THE STUFF EVERY YEAR!!!

THAT WORKS OUT TO SOMETHING LIKE A MILLION DOLLARS A DAY!!!!!

They’re gonna have to change the state flag to a GRATEFUL DEAD WORLD TOUR 1974 T-SHIRT!!!!

On a calm day…Colorado will be the only state that can be SMELLED FROM SPACE and…On a WINDY day…

NEIGHBORING STATES ARE GONNA GET A SECOND HAND HIGH!!!!

The GOOD news was…There were no reported tussles or disruptions in the retail pot store lines.

WELL…OF COURSE NOT.

DUH!!!

WE’RE TALKING ABOUT POT SMOKERS HERE…IT WAS ALL THEY COULD DO TO GET OFF THEIR PARENT’S COUCH!!!

There were, however, a MULTITUDE of reported incidents at Colorado convenience stores that were down to their last bag of DORITOS…With patrons trying to scrape together loose change and saying…

“DUUUUUUDE…”

“DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE…”

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-UUUU-UUUUU-UUUDE…..”

UNTIL THEY FORGOT WHAT THEY WENT IN TO GET!!!!!

Because of the law of supply and demand…Some weed stores started pricing the stuff at…$70 DOLLARS FOR AN EIGHTH OF AN OUNCE!!!

Now…Here’s the interesting part of it all…

The Colorado retailers…37 in all…couldn’t start SELLING pot for recreational use until January 1^st and…All the pot they sell must, by law, be GROWN by LICENSED LOCAL GROWERS AND…

BY LAW…THEY COULDN’T START GROWING THE WEED UNTIL…JANUARY 1^ST!!!

So…From where were they getting their stock???

FROM MEDICAL POT GROWERS OF COURSE AND THAT STUFF SELLS…TO THOSE WHO NEED TO GET STONED FOR MEDICINAL PURPOSES…SELLS FOR $25 BUCKS AN OUNCE!!!

That means the Rocky Mountain HIGH AS A FREAKIN’ KITE, RECREATIONAL DOOBIE DUNDERHEADS, ARE PAYING UP TO $560 DOLLARS AN OUNCE FOR THE EXACT SAME WEED THAT PEOPLE WHO NEED TO MELLOW OUT ON DOCTOR’S ORDERS ARE GETTING FOR 25 BUCKS!!!!

Is it any wonder at all that an admitted POT SMOKER decided to call his SIGNATURE PIECE OF SOCIALISM, THE…”AFFORDABLE…” CARE  ACT????

HE’S GOT PEOPLE PAYING 2…3…4 TIMES AND MORE FOR INSURANCE THAN THEY USED TO AND…IF THEY DON’T DO IT…HE’LL HAVE THE IRS FINE THE BEJEEBERS OUT OF EM!!!!!

And what is it, again, these liberal stoners keep telling us, is the best part of Obamacare?

OH YEAH…THEY CAN STAY ON YOUR PARENTS INSURANCE UNTIL THEY’RE 26 YEARS OLD or…

ROUGHLY…5 YEARS BEFORE THEY MOVE OUT OF THEIR PARENT’S BASEMENT!!!!!

Let me tell you something…

If YOU are spending $560.00 AN OUNCE TO GET STONED…

YOU’RE ALREADY HIGH ENOUGH TO LOVE OBAMACARE AND…DON’T BE ONE BIT SURPRISED IF OBAMA MAKES TOKIN’ UP…MANDATORY!!!

My friends…Today is Friday and…

I AM FUMING!!!!!