Apparently, the influx of Muslims into Michigan is worse than we thought. For that matter, so is the influx of liberals. One has gotten so far out of hand that the other is now trying to catch up and you’re not going to believe what the Department of Homeland security is, or has done now.

The West Michigan Shoreline Regional Development Commission is in charge of handling the homeland security measures for 13 counties in Michigan.

Okay…..

Not long ago, the West Michigan Shoreline Regional Development Commission bought and distributed some very high level super double top secret homeland security…”equipment” to all 13 counties which it represents.

Now, at least 13 counties in Michigan are safe from threat of terror attacks because all 13 of those counties have….

Paid for by YOUR money through a VERY high level super double top secret GRANT program…

SNOW CONE MACHINES!!!

While we all know that Muslim terrorists will never attack a pig farm or wire a piggy bank with explosives…WHO KNEW THEY WERE SCARED BURQALESS BY SNOW CONES????

Apparently, they are.

Montcalm County Emergency Services Director, some guy named, David Feldpausch says that the SNOW CONE MACHINES could be useful at large fires.

Ummmmm…This is me being a conservative with common sense…..

Wouldn’t it be more efficient to cut out the middle man and the save the amount of time it takes to freeze the water and…just pour the water directly ON the fire?

We’re using SNOW CONES to put out fires? REALLY?

AND…FIRES are now a matter for Homeland Security?

Okay, look…I know what all of you are thinking…We’re ALL afraid of the YELLOW colored snow cones but, what about the grape or cherry or the…BLUE, whatever those are SNOW CONES?

THOSE must be the ones that hold al Qaeda at bay.

The logic here MUST be the fact that, after killing bin Laden, Seal Team 6 recovered about a dozen hard drives, a few boxes of videos and a whole bunch of printed material but, NOT ONE SINGLE PAPER CONE OR SQUEEZY BOTTLE OF FLAVORED FOOD COLORING which would lead ANY liberal to believe…MUSLIMS ARE AFRAID OF SNOW CONES.

Mr. Feldpausch did go on to state, “When you look at it as an ice shaving machine and its purpose, it makes a little more sense.”

Well of course it does…once you look at its purpose…which is to make fun, multi-colored frozen summer treats which will, no doubt, drip on and stain whatever the national security threat happens to be wearing.

Now, to be fair, the West Michigan Shoreline Regional Development Commission did only request one snow cone machine…to be used to put out fires and make fun, multi-colored frozen summer treats which will, no doubt, drip on and stain whatever the national security threat happens to be wearing. It was some sort of wiser-than-thou liberal bureaucrat who knew if one snow cone machine was good, 13 would be much better.

You know, in case a second fire breaks out or a terrorist runs home and changes into a clean T-Shirt.

Feldpausch further justified all of this, stating, “I assume it will get used in Montcalm County a lot more in the summertime by the Fire Corps.”

Notice he isn’t speaking for the other 12 counties but obviously, fires are more common in Montcalm County between late June and mid to late September.

It’s not just this Fledpausch fellow who is justifying this…Naturally, the government is also trying to make this seem…plausible.

The Michigan Homeland Security Grant Program’s Allowable Cost Justification document, dated May 9, 2011, says the snow cone machines can make ice to prevent heat-related illnesses during emergencies, treat injuries and provide snow cones as an outreach at promotional events.

While everyone knows the model of efficiency a firefighter with brain freeze can be, it’s the other part of that statement which makes the most sense.

Isn’t it?

Providing snow cones as an outreach at promotional events.

According to the West Michigan Shoreline Regional whatever-the-hell-it-is Director, one Sandeep Dey, “It is used to attract people so they can be educated and prepared for homeland security.”

This will, clearly, keep tree houses and cardboard box forts safe from the scourge of terrorism for years to come.

If they want to attract ADULTS to these educational seminars…THEY SHOULD HAVE REQUESTED A HOME BREWING KIT FROM HOMELAND SECURITY!!!

Sandeep Dey, of course, wasn’t done making sense until he uttered, “More importantly, they (homeland security officials) felt in a medical emergency the machine was capable of making ice packs which could be used for medical purposes.”

Now all they have to do is find a way to ensure that any such medical emergency breaks out within reach of an electrical outlet and a water supply however, I have not been able to find any request for official Homeland Security baggies in which to contain the shaved ice.

To prove the Department of Homeland Security isn’t completely daft, one county requested a popcorn machine which was turned down.

Each of the snow cone machines costs $900.00 which comes to $11,700.00 total. NOT paying for snow cone machines won’t erase the national debt but PAYING for them and so many OTHER wasteful projects is a good part of how our government racked UP 15 trillion dollars of red ink!

Now before you go all monkey poo about this waste of YOUR money, please keep in mind…Shipping was apparently free.

One is left to wonder, openly, as to why Michigan was the recipient of this windfall?

Would it NOT make more sense to provide such high level super double top secret Homeand Security Department equipment to…let’s say…Pinal County Arizona where snow cones could be handed out to illegal aliens as they run through the dessert? It IS somewhat warmer in southern Arizona than Michigan after all.

None the less, considering the rational behind the Michigan snow cone machines, I suggest Homeland Security give some serious thought to providing  these counties with pizza ovens.

Pizza ovens would certainly come in handy during Montcalm County winter ice storms and could also be used to heat compresses in the advent of a medical emergency.

Oh sure…You scoff…

But there are now 13 counties in Michigan which are most grateful for my insight.

There IS however, an upside.

Any child, threatened on a hot summer day, by the long arm of the law, can now declare that their lemonade stand…

Is a matter of National Security.