Failing Liberal Re-Education Camp | thenationalpatriot.com

By Patty Ewing Robichaud, April 1, 2011

It finally happened – one of my irreverent posts caught the eye of the administration. I wonder, could it have been this one, Proof of the Evolution of the Liberal Gene?

Well, it doesn’t matter which one did it – the black van with no windows pulled into my driveway and a bunch of guys in black suits and dark sunglasses piled out. Of course, thinking they were probably Mormons or Avon, I opened the door willingly.

Then everything suddenly went dark.

Upon awakening and checking out my surroundings, I appeared to be in a holding cell – perhaps under the bowling alley in the White House? Or it could have been Gitmo. It was dark, dank, and the stuff you see in the movies.

However, instead of being tied to a chair under a bright light, I found myself strapped to a school desk with a DUNCE cap placed firmly on my head! As the fog and cobwebs cleared from my mind, I could make out a large, matronly woman pounding a desk with a stalk of celery.

Could it be Michelle Obama? Perhaps I was hallucinating. The FLOTUS would certainly have no interest in someone as lowly as me.

“Pay attention,” she shrieked, “and tell me who the best US President is.”

“Reagan,” I offered with a wide smile knowing I nailed the answer.

“WRONG! You are a liar and an idiot. You must be re-educated from being a tool for the conservative right to become a productive liberal citizen on food stamps to be considered a good citizen.” She smacked me upside the head with the celery.

“But I thought being a hard working, tax paying, patriotic person paying my own way through life and not suckling on the government teat made me a good citizen.”

“WRONG. You should pay taxes, more taxes, and work harder to support the socialistic goals of the Obama administration, which is the will of the majority. YOU are a heretic and traitor to believe otherwise.” A loud train whistle went off in my ear.

“But high speed rail isn’t even going to help anyone in my state – or most states, for that matter.”

“IDIOT! This is not about YOU. It is about being FAIR to the 1.5 percent of population and Joe Biden who use public transportation.”

“But won’t it come in over budget and take longer than anyone imagined, causing a further financial drain to the states and the US economy?”

“That’s what STIMULUS is – spending more than you have to force people to work harder and buy more. We have to spend our way out of debt.”

“You know, I tried that approach before – it bankrupted me.”

“That is because you are a STUPID NAZI and believe in capitalism and letting the market set its own pace. That is WRONG and NOT socialist and not FAIR to those who are unwilling or unable to work. Think of the children.”

“What about the children? Wouldn’t a voucher system for schools be good for children? Isn’t it good for children to have working parents who love their country and believe in doing what’s right?”

“TEA BAGGING MORON! No, the unions know what’s best for the children. In fact, all children in conservative homes will be removed to attend camp to teach them to be part of Obama’s Youth Corps.”

“Did you say Corpse? Shouldn’t that be pronounced Core?” And a carrot was rammed in my mouth as an electric jolt was introduced to my feet, causing me to bite into the carrot.

“ELITIST PIG. Do you dare question your superiors? Have you learned nothing? All of the problems in the country were caused by BUSH.”

“No, not really. You have failed to convince me that this administration has my country’s best interests at heart. And frankly, this administration is making me miss the Bush years. I have no desire to see socialism in the USA. And hand me that Twinkie – that carrot left a horrible taste in my mouth.”

“FATSO POOPY HEAD! That is against the healthy eating edict!”

I was then sedated – only to wake up hours later with a massive scar on my forehead. I felt quite dim- how much of my brain did they scoop out – am I now going to be a liberal?

“So, who was the best President ever?”

“Thomas Jefferson?” Whew, clearly not a liberal. I guess I am conservative to the core.

The increasingly loud shrieking and snarling made me pass out. I awoke just in time to find myself being flung out of a slow-moving vehicle onto my front lawn.

“Great,” I thought, “the neighbors will think I’m dating again.”

I picked myself up, got into the house and poured myself a drink.

The brow beating with liberal rhetoric and a partial lobotomy did not free me from my conservative demons.

Re-Education Camp Part 2

What were the liberals to do with me? Was there any hope that they could change me?

I found myself in the little school house chair/desk combo with the DUNCE cap on my head once again – but with some elaborate headgear added to it. In front of me was a giant screen.

“Oh good,” I thought, “I get to see a movie!”

First up on the big screen, Chris Matthews got a tingle up his leg. I screamed in horror and disgust and tried to close my eyes – but they would not close!!!

Then some Olberman clips came on, telling me that conservatives are the Worst People in the World!!!

Oh, the humanity – make it stop!!!

That was soon followed by Rachel Maddow spewing some false facts she read on a parody website – and backed up with some figures she pulled out of her butt or somewhere similar…

Hours upon hours of mind-numbing garbage – evil Bush, Saint Obama, green energy for all, food stamps are good for the economy, hooray for socialism! Ann Coulter is the anti-Christ, along with Rush Limbaugh, Michelle Malkin, Sarah Palin, Glen Beck, Bill O’Reilly, Craig Andresen and some others.

I was told how evil Sarah shot the innocent caribou in Alaska just to eat it – and she can afford to BUY her meat from the store, which is somehow more humane…

Really?? Maybe that argument would have come off better if the person telling me wasn’t dining on venison right then – but I digress.

Convinced that the 48-hour loop of MSNBC and reading from Media Matters would “enlightened” me, my captors decided to expose me to the lies and atrocities of Fox News and talk radio.

First up, Beck!! Was the performance over the top? Well, yes, a bit too many theatrics from my taste – but the message still rang true….

Dennis Miller and O’Reilly – now, we’re on to something!!!